Can a guy and girl really be friends after dating?
You’ve been with her for close to 6 months now but something does not feel right. It is 5am but it seems as though some invisible force is pulling your eyelids back for ransom. You know that you’ve got an important business engagement but all you seem to be doing is staring aimlessly at the ceiling. It wasn’t too long ago that she first caught your attention at a friend’s wedding. She was wearing this simple yet elegant white lace dress that sensually wrapped around her slender body. However, being the groom’s eldest sister, it was the way she graciously greeted the guests that first caught your eye. It is now 6am so you decide to get up but since she has her head nestled on top of your arm, you end up waking her up in the process. She turns on the bedside lamp and asks you, “Is everything fine Babe?” It’s gone long enough and you can’t lie to her so you respond and say…
“I think we should see other people.” In a shocked but somewhat reserved voice, she says, “Oh, did I do something wrong…? I thought everything was fine… Um… How long have you felt this way…? Can we still be friends?”
We all know that breaking up is a very exhausting task but it just has to be done. You don’t want to break her heart AGAIN but what to do you really say when she asks, “Can we still be friends?” Obviously, you’re going to say “Yes” but do you really mean it? I thought I did but after a month later, I had to break up with her AGAIN as a “friend” because I just was not interested in having these so called “friendly catch-ups”. What’s frustrating is that I had to tell her in person because my one-word text messages and my constant “No” responses to her lunch invitations just did not seem to get through to her head.
Sorry to take a detour here but I’ve actually been called “extremely harsh” by my peers for telling someone upfront that I wasn’t interested in her. Now, much debate centres on whether you should be upfront with a girl or whether a passive approach should do the trick when a situation like this arises. I’m not going to say which approach is correct so I’m just going to say, “Treat others in a way that you want to be treated.” Ultimately though, why couldn’t I have just said a simple “No” to remaining as friends in the first place?
I really couldn’t say “No” because I didn’t want to hurt her again but when you think about it, my failure to say “No” in the first place actually made the situation worse. At the very same time, I probably had an ulterior motive of wanting something from her later on which was very selfish on my part. I suppose when you get to know some intimately, it’s sometimes really hard to let go even though you initiated the whole thing. Perhaps we’re just “too” nice people.
Now the “downside” of getting to know someone intimately is that we’re more likely to pick up on things that we don’t like. Noone is perfect, even me, so we should go on the premise that we should concentrate on someone’s good qualities. However, if it’s something that’s constantly gnawing at you like the sound of drill buzzing on the back of the head, I really do you need to ask you, “Why would you want to be friends with someone when there is a characteristics about them that you do not like?”
If a guy and girl REALLY wanted to be friends after dating then one of three conditions must be met. The first one is that both parties must not have any intimate feelings towards each other. Secondly, considerable time must have lapsed before both parties see each other again. Lastly, it’s possible for a guy and girl to be friends if they were friends before they started dating.
Conditions are great and I understand that there are always exceptions but let me ask you another question, “If there was something that you didn’t like about her when you were dating, can you really tolerate this when you are now friends?”
So when a girl asks you if you can still be friends after dating and you don’t feel comfortable with that, just say “No”. If we reverse the situation and she breaks up with you, she would probably want to say the same thing. It’s harsh but it’s true. Break all contact and if she wants to delete you from her Facebook, then so be it.