Expanding your Inner Sanctum!

Why you want to meet people outside your social circle.

John:    “Hey, good to see you again. It is really a small world I must say! I’ve got to thank our friend Jennifer for organising an amazing party last Saturday.

Joan:   “I know. Well you had it pretty easy that night because the majority of those guys at the party definitely lacked talent in so many different ways.”      

John:    “So meeting me must have been you’re lucky night?” [Gives a chuckle]

Joan:   “Maybe. Maybe not. Come on let’s go inside. This bar better be as good as the reviews say it is. Good ol’ food bloggers never to fail to surprise.”

John and Joan are now seated in a quiet little corner of the bar. Views of the harbour against maroon coloured walls and the dimly lit surroundings created by the flickering flames from a series of white tea-light candles floating in a gold metallic bowl produce a very romantic ambience.

John:    “So tell me, how do you spend the majority of your time?”

Joan:   “Well, I’m an auditor for PriceWaterhouseCoopers. I started out as a graduate there. It’s been about 3 years now. How time flies!”

John:    “Really? You’re kidding me? Me too but I didn’t start out as a graduate. I audit retail companies.”

Joan:   “Yeah, I do technology companies so that’s why we have never seen each other. What a small world indeed. You must then know Jennifer from the Chartered Accounting course?”

John:    “Yeah, but I also went to university with her. UNSW is a great university.”

Joan:   “Now this is getting freaky. I went to UNSW too. Jennifer and I are like… best friends!”

So, do you find anything wrong with the above scenario?

What could potentially happen if John and Joan become a couple but then they break-up 2 months later? I’m sure you would agree with me that John and Joan are quite similar so do you think that they are able to offer different views and experiences on life? Not that there’s anything wrong with this of course.

Catch my drift now?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to say that meeting someone within your social circle is a terrible thing. I’m definitely simplifying things here but there is a possibility that if John and Joan break up, this is just not going to affect them – it’s also going to affect their circle of friends. With that said, that is why I always recommend meeting people outside of your social circle because there is a wealth of benefits to doing so. Expanding your inner sanctum is about meeting different people from different backgrounds and industries so that they can become a part of your social circle.

So going back to above scenario with John and Joan, they are from the same social circle and hence they are not different. Like I said, there’s nothing wrong this and as a matter of fact, they’ll probably get along like a house on fire. Since they have so many common elements, the conversation would flow quite easily for them. But let me pose to you another question, wouldn’t it be more interesting and perhaps more exciting if Joan was actually a ballerina? A makeup artist? A pilot? Or even an entrepreneur? Imagine the conversations that you could be having and the things that you could be learning. Meeting people outside of your social circle could offer you many wonderful benefits.

So what are the benefits to meeting people outside of your social circle? The first one is that you get to broaden your knowledge by immersing yourself in a whole new field/area/topic that is of interest to the new person that you are talking to. Now when you become more “rounded” as an individual, you are then more able to converse with a diverse range of people from different backgrounds and industries. Secondly, you’re going to come to a greater understanding of what you are looking for in a friend, in a business partner or even a potential life-long partner. The reason is that you’ll be constantly learning from these people and you will not only discover what qualities you like but also qualities that you don’t like. Another benefit for meeting people outside of your social circle is that you open yourself up to a wealth of new opportunities. Meeting new people can actually inspire you with their stories. People within your social circle probably only know the same people as you do so opportunities and even ideas have already been exhausted.

So how do you experience new opportunities and get new ideas? In other words, how do you expand your inner sanctum? You could go to networking events or involve yourself in social activities that you would have never have dreamed of going to before. Last but not least, like I’ve said to you in previous posts, just saying “Hi” to people wherever you go is all that you need to do. Now isn’t that simple?

Simple is one thing but what I’m ultimately trying to say is that you need to get out of your comfort zone or you’re never going to reach new heights. If you’re content with what you have in terms of friends then that’s awesome. If not, do something about it!

I hate to repeat myself but do something about it! Remember this, it’s not all about meeting your girlfriend! Hey, you might find your significant other. Maybe you’ll find your potential employer, a potential business partner or even your future best man. If nothing eventuates, your simple “Hi” probably brought a smile to that person’s face.

That in itself should make it worthwhile.

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5 thoughts on “Expanding your Inner Sanctum!

  1. Another benefit of not dating within your circle is that, if things don’t work out, you don’t have to worry about gossip and you don’t have to worry about running into the person, whether you still have feelings for that person or ended up really clashing. Not that I didn’t thoroughly reflect on what I learned from past dating experiences, but I did that without worrying what my friends had heard.

  2. @yuliasspecialplace: Definitely. Your comment reminds me of a time when I dated a girl in my high school who was in the same social circle as me – THAT WAS TERRIBLE! Dudes couldn’t really careless but the girls on the other hand, let’s just say that I was made out to be the bad guy for the rest of the year. Girls can be so cruel at times 😉

    @ Ivonne: Yeah, a lot of people are like that. At the end of the day, it really just depends on what you want. But here’s a question, do you want to move within a social circle?

  3. GP, in this case, it was someone who lived in my college dorm and was a friend of my roommate. She’d warned me to know whether I wanted to sleep with him before I went to his room, but I hadn’t even thought it would get to that, so I let my curiosity guide me. But when we started kissing, I pulled back, saying it didn’t feel right, as I’d just had sex with someone I was casually seeing that morning. He called me a schizo, I said he didn’t know his psychology, and I couldn’t pass him in the corridors or courtyard after that without knowing he thought me crazy.

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