Dealing with “The” Female!

A male wants a female to understand him whereas a female wants a male to love her. When it comes to this female however, a male must love AND understand her.

I met Claudia about a few months ago using my simple “Hey, how are you going?” line on a wintry Saturday night outside an apartment building in downtown Chinatown. She wore these enchanting cream-coloured gloves that had three glistening diamonds encrusted on the back – she held a cigarette on her right hand whilst holding a Blackberry on her left. I could see the cigarette smoke disperse into the air as she gently exhaled – her lush pink lips added to her seductive appeal. She wore a light grey BOSS coat that rested nicely on her shoulders. At the end of her snug-fitting dark blue Nudie jeans was a pair of ankle-high chocolate brown boots. However, it wasn’t what she was wearing that caught my eye. What really caught my attention on that chilly Saturday night was the fact that this girl was extremely comfortable in her own skin. First impressions are paramount and this girl definitely had a distinctive aura about her. I only spoke to her briefly before departing with her digits but here was a girl who displayed confidence by the way she spoke. She was forthright but her witty comments provided a delicate balance.

What type of female is she?

She is an alpha female.

According to UrbanDictionary.com an alpha female is “a female human who is well aware of the fact that she is sexy, desirable, and everyone wants to be with her, and maximizes this knowledge to control/dominate anyone and everyone around her. She is usually sarcastic and highly intelligent because she’s powerful and playful. She flaunts her superiority over beta females and males in general with no fear of retribution. She dates as many males as she wants, is strong and confident, and a hard worker as well as often busy, An alpha female may feign interest in a male to further her own agenda, but in reality no male can ever satisfy an alpha female, not even the alpha-est of alphas. By the standard definition, all alpha females are b!tches but they are quite misunderstood, but it doesn’t matter because you’d do anything to be with her anyway. They know this as well.” Since a lot of men cannot handle the traits of an alpha female this is a testament to her presence in today’s society.

Put simply, if you believe that the girl with the smart-aleck personality who just does not respond to your advances is a b!tch and is hence tough to handle then wait till you meet an alpha female. With an alpha female, she’ll wait a week before messaging you back saying that she was “in Shanghai for an IT expo”, call you out for a drink at a ridiculous time with minimal notice but then does not show up! But that’s ok because she’ll apologise and say that her “friend had a bout of food poisoning” so she had to go the hospital. So then she gives you another time and now you’re even keener but once again she does not show. The cycle continues until she absolutely demoralises you! Why does she do this? Because she can – it’s all a challenge to her! Why does the cycle continue? Because the guy is an idiot!

From a personality point of view, the alpha female is far from an idiot. She is a lady of sophistication but she will sit you down and absolutely grill the fudge out of you if you set a foot wrong. Alpha females ooze confidence because she knows she is good. She is extremely witty and sarcastic, and is definitely an intellect. Since she is quick witted and sarcastic, the majority of males (and perhaps even females) may find her humour to be very condescending.

Now when we relate the above qualities to her dating prowess she is “The [wo]MAN”! There’s no greater joy to her than a challenge. She will have A LOT of men on the go and if any man shows the slightest signs of fear she will sniff him out and drop him like a dead weight! She will ALWAYS “appear busy” but if you read my previous article on “Dealing with an Indecisive Girl”, you’ll realise that she ALWAYS has time (just not for you of course!). From a relationship perspective, she’ll be the one wearing the pants because she likes to dominate! Now these qualities make her sound like an absolute force to be reckoned with (and she is!).

So how do we deal with alpha female? Now that is the question.

Dealing with an alpha female can be as simple as just living your life and just being yourself. Think about it. All you really have to do is to not give her any attention – you’re not doing this on purpose but it’s just that you’ve got more important things to do than sitting on your ass waiting for her to reply back to you or to call you back. The last thing that you want to do is to be at her beck and call – expressing your interest is great but there is something called being overly keen. If you do decide to pursue a relationship with her do you really want to be with someone who constantly toys with your masculinity?

AskMen.com recently posted an article about alpha females titled “6 Signs You’re Dating An Alpha Female” where it details the methods to counteract her “arsenal of weapons”. It suggested that the method to deal with an alpha female is to fight fire with fire i.e. if she’s bombarding you with a series of witty and sarcastic comments that are aimed directly at your manhood then you should be straight away ready with a comeback of equal or greater wit and/or sarcasm. I definitely agree with this but wit and sarcasm are not prevalent in every guy. However, who is to say that you can’t work on this and hence better yourself. The second method is something that just applies to life in general, always stand your ground and keep your dignity intact. Put simply, if you find her too condescending then just tell her! Be a MAN!

The alpha female can be VERY condescending but despite all the negativity that surrounds her, she is most often misunderstood (much like the alpha male). To be honest with you, I actually quite admire the alpha female because she does a marvellous job at turning little boys into men. A broken heart may be all that a guy needs to rethink his views on dating and to move forward. Now she might be an absolute “ball-breaker” but just like any other person, if you get down to the core of who she really is then I’m sure a positive outcome will eventuate. And you know what? You’ll become a better person in the process because you are now able to deal with such a robust personality. At the end of the day, you’ll realise that an alpha female is really just like any other female i.e. she’ll have her insecurities (we all do!) and she’ll have her moody days but really, she just wants some guy to just talk to her and to listen to her.

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7 thoughts on “Dealing with “The” Female!

  1. It’s interesting that guys say girls always go for the jerks, but don’t guys also go for the alpha females who demoralize them?

    Moreover, I find this kind of behavior as a sign of insecurity. I know some guys who insist the “game” is to approach a girl and make her feel less attractive by pointing out a flaw so the guy can seem more superior.

    Through my experience, I find the ones who are truly confident to be the ones who are responsive and considerate. Maybe that’s just me.

  2. …hmnnn…I have always considered myself to be an alph female, but my definition of alpha-female seems different tham the definition posted in the blog….

    I would love to have the control that your alpha-female has in relationships…..I think when I was younger I could of had it if I had realized how beautiful I was and how much men wanted to be with me…it took many years and self-analysis/therapy to figure that one out, lol.

    I think all women want to be loved and understood, to be “seen”, as so do men.

    I require intellilect or I get bored very easily. In my five year marriage not once did my ex-husband and I have a conversation regarding politics, religion, or anything of importance.

    I consider myself high maintenece emotionally but not financially, because I do require lots of attention.

    But I do get frustrated when I want to take a trip and the response I get is, ” I don’t have money or time”…..

    wow you have given me a lot to re-think about here…..

  3. @ pillowchats: Yeah, that’s definitely true. A lot of guys love to let their lady “wear the pants” in the relationship. I’m not sure if the guy just prefers this or that sex is involved – It’s most probably the latter. What’s unfortunate is that the female knows this and will use it against him.

    Yeah, that’s too much of a “game”. Being genuine has just flown out the window nowadays. It may be fun in the short-term but over time, comments like that are sure to reveal cracks in the guy.

    I couldn’t agree more with you. Dating is much like you communicating with an employer, a business partner or a client, the simple principles of being responsive and considerate are what matters.

    @ Ivonne: Interesting so what is your definition of an alpha female?

    The most important here is that you have realised it so that’s what matters.

    I’m sure you have heard of the book titled Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Men are really very simple and when it comes to him truly understanding his woman, he does his best but ultimately, he will fall short because he sees everything in its simplest form. The simple “Yes Dear” phrase really does wonders! Haha.

    It’s a definitely a tricky situation – having fun chats are great but you also need to have the intellectual conversations that get the both of you thinking. A lot of it is compromise but compromise can only so far when one party needs to put his/her foot down.

    Given you a lot to re-think? Great but make sure to keep it positive.

    Jeff

    • hmnn, I define “Alpha Female” as a woman who is strong;independent,intelligent, and self-confident.

      She needs to be with an Alpha male because anything less would be too boring.
      She is looking for intelligence, strength and heart in in a mate.

      She does not manipulate because a true leader does not need to manipulate.

      She may not be Barbie doll beautiful but she is definately a woman who attracts attention due to her charisma and confidence.

      A real woman not a bitch, but the bitch is there if she needs it.

      any takers?

      🙂

      Ivonne

  4. Lazy? I see what you what you mean but we’re creatures of convenience after all. We love to classify things so it gives it some sort of order/structure. At the same time, everyone is unique so why classify in the first place? We’ll save this discussion for another day. Haha.

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