The Importance of Knowing What You Want!

“Hey, I’m not picky. I just know what I want.”


What a guy wants!

16 years old: ANYTHING!

19 years old: SMOKING HOT!

22 years old: Nice body / Nice body / Nice body / Intelligent / Sense of humour / Have I said nice body?

25 years old: Nice body / Down-to-earth attitude / Great sense of humour / Considerate of my needs / Able to hold a conversation

28 years old: Stands by me no matter what

40 years old: Whatever I can get! / Someone half my age?

So what does a girl want?

16 years old: Tall / Cute / Smart / Funny / Caring / Sporty / Sensitive

19 years old: Tall / Cute / Smart / Funny / Caring / Sporty / Sensitive / I need more space!

22 years old: Tall / Cute / Smart / Funny / Caring / Sporty / Sensitive / Has “potential” / Down-to-earth attitude / Caring and considerate / Has a sense of direction / Smart and knowledgeable / Someone who can commit / How come I’m limited to so few lines?

25 years old: Feels she can trust him / Supportive (emotionally) / Respects her and doesn’t belittle her / Someone who doesn’t needs “mothering” / Whether he’ll make a good husband/father / Would be lying if I say looks doesn’t play a role / Doesn’t matter if he is not smart, so long as he is not dumb either / Dependable and when she is together with him she feels he’s the right guy

28 years old: Supportive (emotionally) / Responsible / dependable / caring / Respects her and doesn’t belittle her / Certain that he’ll make a good husband / father

40 years old: Whatever I can get! / I want a baby!


As I get become more “developed” in the years, knowing what I want to achieve gives me a sense of purpose in life. From a career’s perspective there is that sense of clarity that makes decision making much easier. From a relationship’s perspective “Looks fade, dumb is forever” by Patti Stanger (founder and CEO of Millionaire’s Club International Inc.) finally makes a whole lot of sense. I’m not saying looks are not important but as responsibilities begin to mount, friendships begin to wane and choices become few and far between, finding someone who just stands by you is really all that you want.

When you’re young and carefree, you didn’t know what it is you want and frankly, you couldn’t care less. You could afford to “experiment” because you didn’t know any better – it was “easy” back then because you could literally do whatever you wanted to. More importantly, you weren’t thinking about finding that love of your life nor were you interested in settling down. As the years begin to creep up with you however, priorities obviously change and so does your views on people and relationships. That girl in the little black dress and her all too daring cleavage just doesn’t do it anymore (that’s not to say I won’t look – I am a guy after all so I hope you’ll admire my honesty :D)

So you now ask yourself, “What is it that I really want?”

I remember back in the days when my answer to the question “What is that I really want?” equated to completing the “triple-threat” (i.e. hitting the town on Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights) for every single week of the university semester. What I wanted back then was simple – talk sh!t with my Mates, get drunk and chat up girls. Having a girlfriend back then was considered a “taboo” and if you did have one, for some reason, you would forget about your Mates and just see the girlfriend (I’m guilty of this one). Flash forward 5 years and in a recent get together with my close Mates, we now talk about looking for someone who we could settle down with. How things have changed (naturally of course)!

Now the only problem is how do we know who that person is?

The best answer to knowing who that person is is for you to meet new people. It’s as simple as that. As you begin to meet more and more people, you’ll come to a better understanding of what you’re looking for in a partner who you would like to settle down with. Each and every person that you meet will have their own unique story and more importantly, each person will have their special qualities that define who they are. When you meet all these people, you’ll pick up on personalities that you like and personalities that you dislike. Ultimately, this puts you in a position where you can be a good test of character. Hence, by being exposed to all these different qualities that you encounter, you are then able to come to a better understanding of what you want. For a lot of us, finding out what you want will take time, experience and even heartache. The bright side of all this is that you will come out wiser.

To extend this simple principle of knowing what you want outside of dating, being wiser also means that you now have a better understanding of what you want in a friend, a business partner, a client or even a prospective employer. When you know what you want, life objectives now appear clearer and hence more defined. That idea floating in your head now seems more tangible that you think – all because you know what you want. As you can see, this well founded dating principle of knowing what you want can literally apply anywhere in life.

With the above stated, I’m sure you can now see the importance of it. So when you go out on that next date and you start to contemplate whether or not this person is right for you, just ask yourself, does this person have the qualities that match up with what I want? Now when I say qualities, completely ignore looks and other physical attributes.

So what do I want?

Someone who stands by me – that is all.

So… what do YOU want?

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13 thoughts on “The Importance of Knowing What You Want!

  1. Great post! Love the age/want variations true!!!What do I want? Hmm….
    Yes someone who will stand by me…and someone who challenges me intellectually…and preferably(ideally) someone whom I find irresistably attractive as well!

  2. Thank you for your kind words.

    Yeah, when I write an article I try to put the reader in a real-life situation before I go on with my piece. As you can see, it’s really a simple equation for guys but this could be bit of a generalisation on my end. Haha.

  3. This list is very true. Though I find two points that are not as accurate. As women get to the age of around 28, she gets nervous and really start to lower her expectations while men will get started on their game because they know they have the upper hand. Men are like wine, they only get better with age. Regardless of if men are 40, they would still prefer a 25 year old than a 37 year old.

  4. Pillow, I think you’re right about that to a degree. Especially the injustice that men really do seem to get “better w/age”, while women just “age” unfair!!!
    However, in the Age of the Cougar we are in currently, it seems that more n more 40-ish (and over) women prefer a 25 year old to a 37 year old as well! Personally, I’m still on the fence about how I feel about the whole Cougar thing, but it can’t be denied that it is what it is…

  5. I see what you mean Pillow – that would definitely be true for a 28 year old singleton. From a 28 year old who is currently with a partner however, I believe she would want her future life-long partner to encompass the qualities that I have mentioned. But hey, everyone is different.

    Yeah, I think all men when they are 40 would prefer someone younger (let’s exclude the fact that that man is married for the time being). I actually had this discussion with my Mates and I’ll admit, a younger girl definitely brings a different level of “fun” i.e. she has less worries, is a bit more care-free and she would actually make you feel younger believe it or not. Personally for me however, I find a younger girl and hence someone with less life experience (this is debatable), difficult to relate to in the long-run. It’s great initially but at the end of the day I don’t think it is sustainable. Perhaps my answer will change when I get to 40. Haha.

    And we cannot forget the sabre tooth KaPau! Haha. When you think about it, I don’t think it is really an age thing. For me, life experience is a big one.

  6. Hmmmm… so I re-read this post and realized you wrote:
    Female: “40 years old: Whatever I can get! / I want a baby!”
    I’m not yet to 40…but I have to disagree with this one (dunno how i missed it b4!!?) Mauybe I’m an exception to the average 30-something, but as I get older, I find I’m more discriminating than less. I was never of the “anything I can get” type of thinking at any stage of my life, but I recall a few friends in their mid to late 20’s expressing the overwhelming desire to “GET MARRIED!! HAVE KIDS!!! because they were just starting to fear getting old and I’m pretty sure I know at least two friends who compromised just to quell this fear…sad:(
    Anyway, I have children…and have married….and I’m accelerating well into my 30’s …and I find myself less and less tolerant and accepting of qualities I dislike. I almost think this cougar thing is due to that… Women as they get older are learning that they just want what THEY want…and the requirements to “fit” that criteria increase without any sense of desperation or identity issues…they no longer have anything to “prove” to the world or “need” to even adapt or compromise much!
    …just my personal thoughts/opinion on that last theory you offered here…:)

  7. Your personal thoughts/opinions are much appreciated KaPau! It’s always great to get varying perspectives on an issue.

    Yeah, there are always exceptions because like I said, everyone is different – everyone is unique. Personally for me, I’m in my mid 20s and hence my observations / experiences are a reflection of this. There’s always more to learn and since I absolutely love meeting new people, there’s no shortage of getting more real-life examples on this issue.

  8. Funny yet so true, clearly men and women look for different things in a relationship But I agree that at the end of the day I just want someone who gets me and can stand by my side although looks, intellect, humor, etc will definitely get you a high ranking lol

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