Telling Her How It Is!

Not being afraid to bust her “balls”!

It’s 8pm on a bleak winter’s night as you walk out of the office building – an atrocious day is a far cry of a description of what you had to endure today. The bustling city-folk, the ever-present traffic and the vibrant rays of sunlight that every so often pieced through the blanket of clouds and then onto the city landscape has now been replaced by howls of wind across a solitary stretch of darkness.

The day is not over yet because you still need to pick up your laptop from your girlfriend’s place – you called her during lunch to inform her that you would be over at 9pm. It’s 8.45pm and you hop into a cab to her place – getting that laptop in preparation for a client presentation tomorrow morning is imperative. You arrive on time and ring her doorbell – No answer. You try calling her mobile – No answer. You decide to wait 15 minutes knowing that punctuality has never been her forte. You ring her doorbell again – Still no answer. You made it very clear to her at lunch time that you need your laptop back. It’s 9.25pm now and the day has finally caught up with you. Exhaustion weights upon you like a dead-weight and the last thing that you want to do is to wait for her out in the cold. At the same time, however, a sense of urgency starts to dawn upon you because you fear something has happened to her. 9.35pm rolls around and you call her again – Still no answer. Your Blackberry shows that it is now 9.50pm – you’ve been waiting for close to an hour but you can’t leave without your laptop.

Your Blackberry beeps to signify a new text – it’s your girlfriend and the text goes:

“Hey Babe, sorry I forgot. I’m just over my friend’s place. Do you still want to pick up your laptop?”

Now what would you do in this situation?

This is not the first time this has occurred and more importantly, you made it very clear to her that you needed that laptop. Let’s exclude the premise that you had a tough day but the fact of the matter is that you just spent a whole hour waiting for her! Are you just going to say, “That’s fine Babe. Yes, I still need my laptop.”? Or are you going to tell her how it is? In other words, are you going to be honest and tell her what you think? You don’t want to make childish threats here but there are times when “extreme” measures are needed so a situation like this does not happen again. How firm you are in terms of your approach will obviously depend on the circumstances surrounding the incident (e.g. maybe her phone ran out of battery or she got held back at work and hence she was late etc.) but at the end of the day, you can’t be afraid to bust her “balls”!

I know it’s a delicate balance but if you’re too firm with her and hence somewhat overbearing, the situation could escalate as opposed to being resolved. However, if you say nothing at all (or too little) you’ll run the risk of being “steam-rolled” by her – she may even think you’re a wuss for not standing up for yourself. The important thing to remember here is that once you do bust her “balls” (obviously in a calm and structured way of course) you must be willing to stand your ground and to hold true on your convictions. For example, if you say something like “Please don’t talk to me until you become more reliable”, make sure that you are willing to stand by this. Hey, this may sound pretty ruthless but maybe it’s the only way she’ll understand.

What’s also ruthless is that some women will actually do things on purpose to see how you would react. Perhaps a generalisation on my end but I believe all women want a man’s man and not some boy who needs mothering. Hence, she is more than likely to put you in a situation where your “man” character is put to the test. For example, she may deliberately turn up late to see how you would react. Let her get away with it and she’ll think you’re a push-over; bust her “balls” and maybe even get into a minor fist-fight with her and she’ll probably love you even more. Funny how this all works so excluding all the little matters where a simple “Yes Dear” can do the trick, never be afraid to bust her “balls”. Like I have mentioned, do it in a mature way – anything that involves you screaming at the top of your lungs is just childish and you’ll lose any respect she has for you.

Now let’s imagine that you’re in the office – will screaming at the top of your lungs get you anywhere? Obviously in such a situation, you need to be very diplomatic and choose your words very carefully when you want to “reprimand” a colleague who has done the wrong thing. For those who have worked in a highly political corporate environment, saying nothing at all is probably your best option but if you really had to do it, the same principles apply. If a colleague or a worker of yours is constantly making the same mistakes, you must be willing to step in and do something about it. You never know, another mistake could cost the company X amount of dollars. So now what are you going to do when the onus falls directly on you?

Telling it how it is is very direct but like in the above scenario, it just has to be done and when we relate this back to dating, it could actually strengthen your relationship. Don’t get me wrong, it can definitely become an issue when neither party admits wrong so what the hell do you do then? To be honest with you it just really depends on much you like/love her to want this issue to be resolved. Some situations are just fickle and you can ignore these but then there are those testing situations that really reveal your partner’s true character. For example, if she knows that she is in the wrong but still does not get off her high-horse because she is so stubborn, do you really want that in a potential partner? Ultimately it just comes down to what you want really.

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5 thoughts on “Telling Her How It Is!

  1. I think if you want your laptop back that evening don’t dare yell at me like I’m a little kid – especially if it was a genuine mistake – or you may not get your laptop back at all. Hey! I come from a line of fiery women, my mum & dad once had a row in public where he commented that he had bought her clothes, so she gave them back, walking off in her bra & slip with him running after her, ‘for gods sake put some clothes on’….

    If you think someone is ‘testing’ you ask them. Last time I was late on a date was because I was staying somewhere new & the bath/shower was tricky so took longer than planned to shave my legs! So don’t bust my balls 🙂

    In the above situation if you can hold your temper & bite your tongue & say her behaviour is bothering you AFTER you’ve got your laptop, rather than her you’ll fair better as it then sounds like less of a personal attack.

  2. By all means Eve – I’m not going to “bust your balls” for nothing. If it was a genuine mistake then that’s definitely understandable. However, like I said in the above article, if you gave me a “I forgot!” line then I will unleash hell on you! Haha. Nah, I’m kidding – We all forget and we all make mistakes – just don’t do it again 😉

    Staying somewhere new & the bath/shower was tricky so took longer than planned to shave my legs? Haha. Ok, that’s something that can’t be made up so I believe you but did you tell your date that you would be running late?

  3. I did but every time you turn the hair dryer off to send a text or reply to theirs to tell them you’re nearly ready you waste more time!! Guys just shower (hopefully) and throw on a top and jeans and you’re good to go! I’m not high maintenance but I like to make an effort now and again 😉

  4. lol Hey now! I’d been travelling all day so we could meet, don’t be getting pissy if I’m half an hour late AND told you unless you have a Star Wars fantasy for the Wookie.

    Re-frame it as building the suspense! I mean I wouldn’t do that I’d be thinking you didn’t care but that would be breaking in to do as I say not as I do territory and that’s a minefield.

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