Being an Efficient Dater!

“Success always comes when preparation meets opportunity”

Week starting August 23rd, 2010
MONDAY
Lunch with Melanie at Sushi-Rio (26, business analyst for IBM, ballerina)
TUESDAY
Dinner with Mary at Nick’s Bar and Grill (25, fashion designer, whale lover)
WEDNESDAY
Breakfast with Melissa at The Rocks Café (27, accountant, Twilight fanatic)
THURSDAY
Afternoon coffee with Marianne at Lindt Café (25, make-up artist, fine-diner)
FRIDAY
Movie with Mindy at the local cinemas (23, medical student, painter)
SATURDAY
Bay run with Mabel at Canada Bay (26, business owner, endless shoe collection)
SUNDAY

Now what do I do on Sunday? More importantly where is all this leading to?

Now a lot of people and perhaps even you may question the ethics behind dating multiple women. Words as such as “player”, “sleaze” and “jerk” may spring into your mind but I want you to understand that I do not find anything wrong this as long as the women involved are not being “strung along” like a piece of fishing bait dragged along the bottom of the ocean. At the same time, there are people out there who are genuinely interested in meeting and getting to know new people. Like I’ve always said to you, treat others how you want to be treated. As soon as you realize that you are not interested – tell her! And you know what? She would probably thank you for your honesty because she’s probably doing the same to you believe it or not.

“Oh well. Let’s see what’s happening with Michael. That reminds me, I’m seeing Matthew tomorrow and then Mark.” she is saying to herself – it has certainly happened to me.

Dating multiple people at the same time is not as “taboo” as some people may think. You don’t want to be a frog trapped at the bottom of a well and the only view you have on life is a narrow one.

So it then begs the question, why date multiple women in the first place? It’s simple. As you date more and more women, you’ll come to a better understanding of what you are looking for in an “ideal partner”. In other words, you’ll come across people with traits that you absolutely adore and you’ll also come across traits that you absolutely despise. In addition to this, every woman you meet will have her own unique story and this gives you an opportunity to learn. Can I name all the varieties of red wine? Sure! Can I tell you which hand-cream is better (say between Crabtree & Evelyn and L’Occitane)? Definitely! Can I tell the difference between clothes from Alannah Hill and Wayne Cooper? To easy!

You may think all these “exciting” facts are pretty pointless but what happens when you are called upon to choose a bottle of red for some new clients that you entertaining? Which brand of hand cream are you going to buy your mum that best suits her needs for her birthday? “That Wayne Cooper dress you are wearing looks great on you!” sounds much better than “That dress looks great.” At the end of the day, your understanding of all these different lessons, encounters and experiences is what is going to set you apart. Meeting all these women and learning from each encounter is what is going to take you to the next level.

Hence, being an efficient dater is something that I would like you to think about when it comes to elevating yourself to the next level. There are 2 simple conditions that you must meet for you to become an efficient dater. The most important condition is that you must be organized i.e. preparation can go a long way. It’s like you fitting in a game of tennis with your buddies, taking your folks out for a Sunday dinner but then still have time to finish off your presentation for tomorrow’s work meeting – you just need to plan your days. My motto is: I live the present but I plan for the future. Lastly, having a fat-ass piggy bank wouldn’t hurt because I’m “assuming” that you’re going to pay for at least the first couple of dates for every women that you go out with. Come on! Be a gentleman!

Since you’re a gentleman please remember that being an efficient dater primarily means that you do not fail to give each woman the attention that she deserves. Yes, being efficient means that you do not waste any of your time but it also means not wasting her time as well. Don’t forget this! Now if you follow all of the above conditions, you will have the time of the life but there is downside to all of this (there always is!) It may be fun for a month or two but this isn’t sustainable and this means that you will ultimately need to choose.

You’re going to have a blast lining up your calendar with dates on every single night of the week but realistically, it’s only a matter of time when something gives way and that could be the girl who is most suitable for you – it’s time to choose! Women aren’t dumb! Emotional? “Yes”, but they will definitely know if something or someone else is on your mind. If she’s a clever one, she’ll break it off with you if she knows that she’ll have her heart broken. Anything is possible but if you got a full-time job, friends to meet up with, parents to take care of, something will eventually give way.

Now let’s relate the above point to investing in the stock market. Diversification (i.e. putting your “eggs” in multiple baskets) is great but if you have invested your money in IBM, Google, Apple, Coca Cola and Samsung, can you honestly tell me that you’re going to have enough time to manage each and every one of them with the same level of precision and detail? Unless you’re doing this full time, can you be certain that one of these companies won’t file for bankruptcy? Much like dating multiple women, one (or even all of the women) will feel that you’re not giving her the attention that she deserves and she will bust your balls or just leave you!

So how do I choose I hear you ask.

I’d hate to say this again but it just comes down to what you want. Think about it! As you meet more and more women, you’ll have a greater understanding of what you like and what you dislike (don’t confuse this with being picky!). If you eventually realize that one of the girls that you are dating is not your cup of tea, tell her! Like I said, being an efficient dater means not wasting your time but at the same time, not wasting her time. Now that’s what I call being a man! Now isn’t that simple? It’s like applying for a job – you could be a situation where you receive job offers left-right and centre, you can’t take every one so how in the hell are you going choose? By having an understanding of what you want.

So what am I doing this Sunday…?

I’m baking a cake with my Mum. Now that’s the final condition to being an efficient dater – don’t forget your mum!

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10 thoughts on “Being an Efficient Dater!

  1. oh wow. You’re so going to get it when I have more time but comparing trying out people like they’re objects? Hand cream?

    Do you tell that you’re a serial dater? Because someone needs to know that straight off. To me dating implies something other than just meeting people..it is meeting them but with the prospect of something more.

  2. I would be more than happy to correct what I said but I’m definitely not comparing people with objects.

    Just re-read the paragraph Eve but do tell me if I need to re-word it better. I’m saying that that there is so much to be learnt from meeting someone e.g. she could be a wine connoisseur and hence she can explain the difference between a shiraz and a cabernet sauvignon. I hope this clears it up for you.

    We sometimes place too emphasis on what the end result will be and hence we fail to just enjoy the other person’s company. I can’t predict the future so the prospect of something more is not something I think about. This is definitely something that I would say if she and I weren’t on the same wave length.

  3. I appreciate you’re being a “serial dater”. I grew up thinking that you date one person at a time, even if this person and you are not in a committed relationship. I have come to realize that I can date a few men at the same time. As long as I am single and not in a relationship, I’m fair game (and so are they). Now what I do have a problem with is having sex with multiple partners at the same time. That’s just too much. And I can say with my dating game over the past year I have learned so much about my likes and dislikes that I never realized.

  4. I think the most important thing here Elle is that you are true to yourself and like I said in the above post, you don’t string anyone along. It can definitely be a fine line so hence you need to have an understanding of what you want.

    You will have people who will date and have sex with multiple partners at the same time. I also see it as a problem but the person who is doing it may think it’s perfectly fine. That’s just how it is.

    Yeah, as you meet and more people, you definitely gain a better of understanding of yourself. For me, not every girl I meet has to be a girlfriend; she can be a friend, a potential client, a potential business partner etc.

  5. http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/understanding-why-dating-several-people-at-a-time-is-messy-a-sign-of-your-emotional-unavailability-commitment-resistance/#more-3988

    I know that’s a long link but I think she sums it up very well.

    We seem to be in a world of feeling entitled. I can do what I what – well yes but there are consequences aren’t there?

    I would be very wary of a guy who was dating several women at a time. In fact if he told me I’m prerry sure I would have him pegged as a player and that interested in me. End of date goodbye.

    At what point do you start to whittle down the competition? One date? Six? 3 months?

  6. Maybe because I am too overworked, but I find that kind of a schedule too hectic to keep up. It’s almost like a second job trying to juggle all those dates. For a woman, trying to find someone sooner rather than later is more important (ticking clock and whatnot) but even then I cannot muster up the energy to do all that.

    Then there’s the whole keeping a conversation with all of them. I wouldn’t want to tell the same story about how when I was ten….

  7. I think my worry is by calling them dates and not just out meeting people it carries a different suggestion to me and I’m sure I’m not the only one. The fact is that now over the last 6 months – there are questions I would NOW ask- such as are you dating anyone else? Just because I wouldn’t tripple date there is nothing to suggest the person I am looking to date has the same views. Much easier early on to know if you’re not on the same page at the same time you’re at least looking at the same book.
    😉

  8. @ Eve: Thanks for the link you sent me. She has some valid points but overall, I have to disagree with her. Like I said to you previously, people put way too much emphasis on the word “date”. Just enjoy the company of multiple people because you don’t know what’s going to happen in the future. Dating one person and then realising that he/she is an ass-clown is what I call cutting yourself short.

    By all means there are always consequences in what we do – it only becomes an issue when people start blaming others for their actions. If you take responsibility for what you do, this speaks louder than the initial act.

    There will definitely be questions. If you don’t mind me asking Eve – do you know what you want in a partner? Feel free to not answer – I’ll understand. The reason why I ask is that when you do know, it will bring clarity to everything you do and then the questioning will subside.

    “At what point do you start to whittle down the competition?” When you fall for one of them 😉

    On a different point, I noticed that author of the blog you sent me uses ass-clown too. Haha.

    @ Pillow: Haha so that is why I get her to do all the talking but I don’t mind saying “when I was 10 I did…” 50 times over. I just love meeting people so it’s never really a hassle I suppose.

  9. Hey GP, when I was 16 I coined the term ‘polygamous dating’. I hated the idea of dating just one someone to get to know them. But of course that was high school where one date meant you were committed.

    I’ve always subscribed to the philosophy that in the getting to know you phase, that dating is not exclusive. For me, I often I don’t need more than 1 date to weed someone out.

    Like you, I view it through the lens of efficiency. If I want to find someone that I connect with I need to expose myself to more possible connections -although 3-4 dates in a week is about my limit!

  10. Especially for a guy, dating takes time and money, so you need to be able to know where that other person is coming from. Weeding someone out in 30 minutes is definitely an art in itself.

    Personally for me, a first date will always take place at an informal setting. I like to keep it as casual as I can because my goal is to really open up the person before we do anything “lavish”. I’m not going to spend $50-$100 on dinner if she’s a dumb-ass 🙂

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