Is it friends with benefits or friends ‘WITH’ benefits?

Is there ever something called "free sex"?Why Natalie Portman is so good at faking it.
By Jennifer A. Vox

The motion picture, which was recently released as part of the whole Valentine’s Day theme, tells a story about a male and female whose friendship is purely based on a “physical connection”. Yes, they are having fun for as long as they can – lots of passionate-rough-and-tumble sex, instant rushes, full-on intensity, and ridiculously crazy surprises. Sex with no strings attached is hell lots of FUN!

However, things change once one party decides that they want more than just the wild romps in bed. Luckily for the couple, the movie ends with a happy solution. Ahhh… Hollywood movies are such a cliché! I’m sure you know the answer.

Regrettably, not all ‘FWB’ situations end with a happy ending – especially in this day and age. Only a few make it to exclusive relationships, the rest just go pear-shaped. I’m a firm believer that the ‘FWB’ situation only works for guys. I mean, what benefit does it bring for girls? I mean really. Women are not designed to handle emotions as good as men, particularly from the whole lovey-dovey-bonding point of view. Experts believe that the more often a girl is sleeping with a guy who gives her pleasure, the more she will get attached to her sex partner(s).

Sometimes, girls agree to sleep with a guy with no strings attached – merely hoping that there’s an opportunity to be boyfriend and girlfriend. Guys can smell this “primal need” a mile away and in turn, would merely use the girl to his advantage. Cardinal Rule #1: DO NOT… let yourself feel this way.

Now Ashton Kutcher is the typical girl in this movie and good on him for taking the plunge to try to seal the deal. Natalie Portman also couldn’t deny herself when she started feeling something “gooey” inside. Gosh, doesn’t Portman do an amazing job in faking it? No, I’m not talking about her quick on-screen orgasm, but how she dealt with her inner feelings. Although the next few weeks were filled with dramas and uncertainties, in the end, they made it into a happy life.

So this leads me to the next question – are ‘FWB’ relationships healthy for men and women? There’s no definitive answer on that one. My response is that it is only healthy if both parties realise that they’re not up for anything serious, that is, a relationship. Plus, in order for that to happen, they have to observe these other cardinal rules:

  1. This isn’t your everyday-run-of-the-mill relationship. Do not let yourself feel this way.

  2. Be open and honest with each other. If one party sleeps with another person, they have to tell the other person what’s going on.

  3. Set ground rules on the onset. No jealousy, no snooping around at each other’s lives, no controlling, and no suddenly rocking up at their workplace with a gift.

  4. Play it safe. Always use ‘helmets’ to prevent STIs and unwanted pregnancies. It wouldn’t be a fun anymore if “alone” time consisted of looking after a baby (think Rachel and Ross in “Friends”).

  5. Manage your life. Know where you stand, keep your options open and control your emotions.

  6. Build your emotions wall high – real high! Do not feel used or rejected if your “friend” does not reply or answer your text. They have other “friends” too.

  7. Keep your ‘FWB’ on the low. Do not bring him/her to family functions or events where people might think you’re a couple. You don’t want to attract awkward questions to your current situation – trust me.

  8. Do not expect. This is when you start questioning. Is he/she going to stick with me for this period of time? Are we going to be a real couple? Answer: You are only having sex together – period.

  9. Do it for the right reasons. Do not do this at all if you’re feeling lonely and/or need to past the time. You won’t be enjoying this as much and besides, there’s a higher chance you’ll get attached to the other person.

Here’s another question – is there an expiry date on ‘FWB’ situations? Again, the decision is in your hands. At the end of the day, we all want someone we can come home to, share our daily stories, cook dinner, give us a foot massage after a tiring day etc. If you aren’t getting your needs fulfilled (i.e. the BENEFITS) – why stay in it?

So, the next time you’re trapped into this kind of relationship, ask yourself honestly: “What kind of benefit do I get in this relationship?”, “How long can I put up with it before getting myself hurt?” and as the GentlemanPlayer always points out, “What do I really want?”


Jennifer A. Vox is a modern dating enthusiast. She’s been writing blogs based on her own personal experience and those experienced by her friends. Her aim is to build confidence in women and to raise awareness of what motivates the men that they are dating.


2 thoughts on “Is it friends with benefits or friends ‘WITH’ benefits?

  1. Oystocin, is the bonding hormone that will eventually turn the sex-only relationships into a bad situation in which the woman is now emotionally attached to the guy…..very dangerous territory to tread…..

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